The Dead and Undead

So, because Turkey is so sure he is #notafraidofanything I decided it was time to teach the boy a lesson. It was time he experience his first haunted house, and not just any haunted house, but a scary one. One where they recommend certain age groups and parents judge you for taking a young one (oh yeah, I’m all about those)…..so, we found a nearby place:

Turkey declared he was NOT scared, but he made me go first and gripped my arms with two hands.

He definitely didn’t say much, but he gripped my hand, through the various twists and turns.The chainsaw guy was definitely sketchy to him, as he required some jolts and hand squeezes!

Nevertheless, afterwards he declared: I’m not scared!

But then after our second haunted house, at a local high school, who were kind enough to give us our own scare tour after hours (and did a great job by the way)….Turkey declared:

Well, that one wasn’t as scary because those people were just actors. But, the other one, those monsters were REAL and what does the owner of the monsters DO with them during the day?

TD: Well, they lock them up in cages .

Turkey: But how do they get them into the cages?

TD: Oh, they just give them some body parts like arms and legs…

#imnotafraidofnoghosts

#sanctumofhorror2018

#hauntedhouseshaverealmonsters

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The Player…

I think Turkey is gonna be a handful….

Yesterday, Turkey mowed the front and back yard so we could prep the yard for Halloween.

Not gonna lie, I was a little impressed with his lack of whining! So, I told him I was SO impressed that I’d give him a little allowance for helping.

Fast forward to today.

Me: Turkey, I got you $5 for mowing the lawn.

Turkey: $5 that’s it?!

Me: Um yeah, I think that’s pretty generous of me!

Turkey: Well, Dad gave me $10. So plus your $5 equals $15….which is a start….

#kidsthesedays

#scroogemcduck

The Birds and the Bees, the grown-up version…

You know how Turkey believes he came from a burrito? Well, I now realized where he got this from….

You see, Turkey’s chicken is all grown up now, so we went for a visit on Saturday with Monkey and her Mom.

Me: Woohoo we got chicken eggs!

Monkey’s Mom: Well, you’re not going to eat them, right?!

Me: Yes, we are. Why wouldn’t we?

Monkey’s Mom: Well, I wouldn’t, what if there are baby chickens in there!

Me: Ummmm. They are not fertilized. You need a boy…. (Looks around, there are no boys here)

Monkey’s Mom: oh, you do?

Me: OMG. No wonder, Turkey thinks he comes from burritos…..

#howarewerelated

#chickeneggs

The Ramblings of a Grade Schooler…

Out to breakfast:

Turkey: Mom! Don’t eat that!

Me: Breakfast tacos are my fav!!! Mmmmmmmmmm

Turkey: No, that’s definitely a burrito! I don’t want another brother!

Me: Another brother?

Turkey: Yes, Dexter’s enough!

50 Nifty United States:

Me: Turkey do you know where Auntie Sar is? She’s away for work…

Turkey: hmm where?

Me: It starts with a P and it’s far..

Turkey: Oh, I know, Transylvania!

Me: Umm, no not quite.

Time Difference in Transylvania:

Turkey: Oh, it’s dark there!

Me: Yup, it’s 3 hours ahead!

Turkey: That’s cause it’s Transylvania and it’s always dark there!

Me: Oh, did you know Texas is called the Lone Star State?

Turkey: Is that why the flag has only one star?

Me: Yup, I used to live there!

Turkey: Well, it has one star cause it’s lonely….

Turkey (singing): K I S S I N G

Me: Do you know what that means?

Turkey: Yes, kissing oooooh lala. But, that’s gross cause girls have cooties.

#mindofafirstgrader

#musings

Don’t you hate it when that happens?

This weekend Turkey discovered his new favorite movie, after a night of pizza and the Monster Store, Turkey is now FULL ON ready for Halloween!

Me: Turkey, this movie is a classic and one of your Auntie’s favorites.

Turkey: Hmmmm well, let’s try it.

An hour in a half later…..

Turkey: BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE

MOOOOOM. WHERE IS BEETLEJUICE? I know he is real! The devil made him!

Me: Oh, really? Hmmmmmmm

Turkey: Ok, now I am going to go watch it again!

Turkey IS Monkey’s Mom! I can remember her running around the house, screaming Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice……

#mykidismysister

#beetlejuicestillrocks

 

A Story of Two Brothers

Turkey likes to say how much my cat, Dexter, loves him more. According to Turkey, they go waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy back:

Turkey: Mom, Dexter is MINE.

Me: No, he is definitely MINE.

Turkey: Nope, he loves me more.

Me: Nope.

Turkey: Yes, he really does love me more.

Me: How is that possible?

Turkey: Because we were in your tummy together.

Me: UMMMMM

Turkey: Yes, I remember. We punched your stomach together to get out and that is why we are brothers.

Me: That must have been SOME burrito that I ate!

#brothers

#thismakessensetome

6 year old musings…

My parents agreed to watch Turkey for the month of June because work is very busy this time of year. They have also been wanting kittens, so I found them the perfect pair of boy kittens this weekend. We made a quick trip to see them, and Turkey had the funniest musings about life with the grandparents.

Turkey: Mom, I have to tell you something…

Me: Ok, what?

Turkey: YOUR parents are DEAF. I have to SHOUT at them!

Me: Yea, they really are.

Turkey: Well, I am the grown up of them because they don’t know what to do without me.

Me: Yea, that makes sense. What do you have to do?

Turkey: I have to tell Pop to give me donuts. I have to find Bubbe’s phone ALL THE TIME. (LOUD HUFF)

Me: Yea, that sounds like a lot of work.

Turkey: AND they take a LOT of naps.

Me: Sorry, Turkey. But, you still have a whole month with them.

Turkey (sigh): I know. I hope they start to hear better!

#lifewithgrandparents

#kittenlove

Tummy aching

Me: Monkey it’s time to wake up.

Money: mmmmm nooooo

Me: Sweetie, we have 15 minutes to get out of here. Lets get moving.

Monkey: I can’t, I have a tummy ache!

Me: Well you don’t feel warm. I’ll tell you what. You put on a brave face and if it keeps hurting you during the day you let the front office know they can call me and I’ll pick you up early.

Phone rings at noon.

School admin: Hi there, it’s not an emergency but Monkey told us she could call you if her stomach was hurting. Honestly she’s not warm and she didn’t seem that bothered skipping in here.

Me: It’s fine. I’m working from home. I’ll just pick her up and have her rest.

Later…

Monkey: Mommy, I’m hungry.

Me: Baby, I fed you half a pbj, soup, and an apple. Did you really swallow a stomach bug who you have to feed?

Monkey shakes head emphatically.

Even later…

Me: Baby tell me the truth. Did your tummy ever hurt today?

Monkey: ummm. No but, I didn’t want to do it anymore. We are always learning at school!

We both laugh.

Me: You’re going to have a lot more of that in your lifetime! You only have a few weeks left of first grade. You need to enjoy your teacher while you have her!

#tummyachingmondays #isitsummertimeyet #toomuchlearningwhendoesitstop

St. Paddy’s Day Fable

Monkey: Mommy how did you get the mac n cheese green?

Me: Umm. I used leprechaun juice.

Monkey: Oh. Because Nana used food coloring.

Me: *clears throat* Oh she did? Well, you said you wanted to see the rainbow…so I used the leprechaun juice.

Monkey: Mmm can I have some more leprechaun juice?

Me: No. I used it all on the mac n cheese.

Monkey: Oh, it’s delicious.

#stpattysdaytale #greenfoodflavor #whynot

The Pantry Dumper

Sister: A few days back, I saw the biggest poop in the pantry!

Me: Oh, yea. That was Dexter.

Sister: No way! That was a huge poop. I think Turkey pooped in the pantry. That was definitely a human poop, due to the size.

Me: Nope, that was definitely Dexter; he does that when I don’t do what he wants, like take him outside! Besides, Turkey doesn’t poo in pantries.

Me: And you left it for me to find in the morning!

Sister: oh yes, that was so gross!

#mycatsajerk

#biggesterdsever