Robots

Monkey: Can you help me with my high tops? I can never get them on.

Me: Well that’s because you have the laces all funky. What did you do to these?

Monkey: *sigh* I don’t know. But you should tie shoes for a job, cause you’re really good at it!

Me: Umm that’s not a job.

Monkey: Yeah it is, you could do it.

Me: No, besides it’s too easy and the robots are probably already doing it.

Monkey: What?!?

Me: That’s right, by the time you’re grown up ALL the easy jobs will be done by robots. So you’ll need to find something you can specialize in.

Monkey: I will destroy the robots!

Me: Well good thing what you’re good at is singing. I don’t think that will be a job for the robots.

Monkey <insert High school musical soundtrack songs here>.

Practicing being older with my glasses.

I would rather…

*Go to work….

*Clean the bathrooms

*Do the dishes

*Sift cat litter

*Eat bananas….no scratch that one

Than do homework with my kid!

Me: Turkey, you need to finish your homework and not lay all over the kitchen table! This is how someday you will get a good job! My boss doesn’t allow me to lie on tables at work!

Turkey: Well, my job WILL let me lie on tables!

#goodlord

#hestryingtokillme

Hatched!

Listening (ok evesdropping) on the kids conversations are anything but dull….

Monkey: Pretend my Mom’s dead…and you have to tell me

Turkey: ok!

Me texting Monkey’s mom: You’re daughter is killing you again….

Monkey’s mom: ugh!

Monkey to Turkey: You weren’t there when I was hatched!

Turkey: Yes, I was!

Monkey: No! You weren’t!

Me texting Monkey’s mom: Your daughter thinks she was hatched!!

Monkey’s mom: Well, at least she knows that girls have eggs! She knows she didn’t come from a burrito!

Me to Monkey: Did you come from an egg?

Monkey: Yes, I was hatched!

#kidisms

#whatcamefirstthemonkeyorturkey

2nd grade…

Me: Turkey! Tell me all about your first day of 2nd grade! How was it?

Turkey: Oh, it was SO easy! It’s like being in 1st grade all over again!

Me: Turkey, you know they make the first week easy….it will get harder!

Turkey (rolls eyes): Please, Mom. I’m just TOO smart. Like, I already know what 100*100 is! (Eyeroll)

I’m not sure who this kid gets his confidence from….

#preteen

#turkeyistoobigforhisbritches

Family, and Cows and…. Zombies?

Turkey has had a field day for the last week at his Dad’s ranch and meeting long lost family members.

We did horse back riding, 4th of July and much more. But, some particular things stood out:

Turkey became a photographer and found his long lost herd of family: the cows! He mooed and mooed and mooed at them til they basically followed him home (he even rolled into a cow patty, but I think that was an accident). He kept demanding to be taken back to his “family.”

Secondly, we went to pay our respects to his great grandparents. He was very hesitant:

Me: Turkey, come on! Come see the headstones

Turkey: (standing by the gravel) Mom! I cannot walk over there!

Me: Why not? You just need to be quiet and respectful

Turkey: Because they are zombies now, and they might grab me.

Me: Turkey, no that’s not true.

Explains burial process….

Turkey: (looking at a newer grave) Mom! I think I see a bone coming out of the dirt…..

Me: Oh, Turkey….I think you have watched too much TV!

A few days later….

Turkeys Auntie (via text) to me: I found a baby elk on the ranch!

Me: You did?! Let’s see!

Turkeys Auntie: Yes, it even has a full rack already!

Me: Oh, you better leave it there! It may follow you and demand LOTS of food! 🤣

#ranchshananigans

#mostpicstakenbyturkey

The Theatre Life…

The kids spent two weeks doing a workshop theatre show in Lake Havasu. Now Monkey has loved theatre forever, but Turkey….we’ve just always told him he’s doing it.

Apparently this year was a game changer for him:

Turkey: Are the movies real?

Monkey: No, they are not real. It’s just people in costumes and their voices, like the theatre.

Turkey: Oh, so the movies are magic?

Me: Is theatre magic?

Turkey: Well yes, we are the part that makes it magic!

Me: How’d you know that?!

Turkey: I just did! Because being on stage is magic!

Monkey (rolls eyes): No! Ms. Lauren told us that!

Turkey: NO! That’s how I feel, Monkey!

#cousinbuddies

#yingandyang

#theystillwanttobetogetheraftertwoweeks

A Daddy’s Girl

After a week of church camp, we decided to test the waters with Miss Monkey at home. Monkey’s dad thought it was a natural decision with his new exclusively remote job.

Little did I realize how surprising it would turn out to be.

Tuesday texts:

Monkey’s dad: Monkey surprised me, she made sandwiches for me all by herself!

Me: Whoa! Really, what did she make?

Monkey’s Dad: Ham and cheese and chips.

Me: How thoughtful! That is the nicest thing I’ve heard all day!

Monkey’s Dad: She is very proud of the job she did. She had the biggest smile ever when she brought it up.

Me: ♥️♥️♥️

Monkeys dad: It has a lot of mayo though.

Me: Eat it all!!!

Monkey’s Dad: I will. She came up and brought me water and she was hand feeding me chips when I was texting you.

Me: Oh wow, quite the special treatment!

Monkey’s Dad: Who is this girl? More inportantly… What does she want… Hmm🤔🙂 lol

Wednesday texts:

Monkey’s Dad: She did it again!

Me: Ohhh, even made some healthy choices there with the cottage cheese and watermelon!

Thursday texts:

Monkey’s Dad: She tried to fold it like you do. She said she tried. #proudoftheeffort. 😊🙂😀 Yes, I ate it all.

Me: Did you tell her you struggle with that very same thing?

Monkey’s Dad: I did.

Me: Two cheeses too this time! She is a rockstar.

#daddysgirl #churchcamprubbingoff

The Birds and the bees…

The kids have had plenty of cousin time since school has been out. Here is a peek into a day in the life…

Monkey to Turkey: Ok, so I’m the Mom and you’re the Dad and pretend I have to go get our baby!

Monkey: Oh, and pretend I have our baby in my belly!

(Ignore the incest…)

Turkey: No! Pretend the baby is in MY belly.

Monkey (clearly exasperated): No, Turkey. Boys, don’t have babies! Girls lay the eggs, so I’m having our baby!

#turkeystillthinksbabiescomefromburritos

#monkeyisclearlyachicken

Sappy mom sharing

I remember my mom saving these type of gifts from me when I was younger…and I got to say, I will be doing the same. #warmstheheart #favfoodketocake #makingmehappybylistening #nosweeterwords

Yum!

Turkey: I guess it’s good you’re cutting my toenails.

Me: Why is that, Turkey?

Turkey: Well, cause I can’t reach them anymore to eat them.

Me: That’s so gross! You’re never gonna get a girlfriend if you eat your toenails!

Turkey: Yes, I will cause that means I’m flexible. BUT, I DON’T WANT ONE!

#gross

#reasonabledeductionsperhaps