*Go to work….
*Clean the bathrooms
*Do the dishes
*Sift cat litter
*Eat bananas….no scratch that one
Than do homework with my kid!
Me: Turkey, you need to finish your homework and not lay all over the kitchen table! This is how someday you will get a good job! My boss doesn’t allow me to lie on tables at work!
Turkey: Well, my job WILL let me lie on tables!
#goodlord
#hestryingtokillme
The kids spent two weeks doing a workshop theatre show in Lake Havasu. Now Monkey has loved theatre forever, but Turkey….we’ve just always told him he’s doing it.
Apparently this year was a game changer for him:
Turkey: Are the movies real?
Monkey: No, they are not real. It’s just people in costumes and their voices, like the theatre.
Turkey: Oh, so the movies are magic?
Me: Is theatre magic?
Turkey: Well yes, we are the part that makes it magic!
Me: How’d you know that?!
Turkey: I just did! Because being on stage is magic!
Monkey (rolls eyes): No! Ms. Lauren told us that!
Turkey: NO! That’s how I feel, Monkey!
#cousinbuddies
#yingandyang
#theystillwanttobetogetheraftertwoweeks
The kids have had plenty of cousin time since school has been out. Here is a peek into a day in the life…
Monkey to Turkey: Ok, so I’m the Mom and you’re the Dad and pretend I have to go get our baby!
Monkey: Oh, and pretend I have our baby in my belly!
(Ignore the incest…)
Turkey: No! Pretend the baby is in MY belly.
Monkey (clearly exasperated): No, Turkey. Boys, don’t have babies! Girls lay the eggs, so I’m having our baby!
#turkeystillthinksbabiescomefromburritos
#monkeyisclearlyachicken
My ENTIRE week has been…
Turkey: Mom, can we get Cane’s?!
Me: No, not tonight, Turkey. But, maybe Tuesday…(insert rest of the days of the week)
*Repeat this scenario 1,900,876,900 more times*
Finally, tonight I broke down!
Turkey: Mom, look I’m a CANIAC!
Me: That’s a thing? CANIAC?
Turkey: *roles eyes* yes, of course it’s real!
I’m terrified for when he becomes a teenage foodie!
#kidsthesedays
#caniac
I picked up Turkey today, and he couldn’t wait to show me that he had finished his homework at school!
Turkey: I did my homework! (Insert wide, toothless grin)
Me: that’s great!
Turkey (forlorn) Oh, did you see, I got a red circle today! (Insert wide, toothless grin)
Me: Wait!? What?!? A red mark at school means you were bad!
Turkey: Yup! Apple Fool’s! (Insert wide, toothless grin)
Ugh, you got me, this time!
#AppleFools
#turkeythejokester
Turkey turned the big SEVEN today and he reminded me he still has a lot to learn….
Open scene:
Mom in the potty, Turkey brushing his teeth.
Turkey: Mom, why are you in my bathroom.
Me: Um to go to the bathroom.
Turkey: Mom, why do girls pee out their butt? It’s weird.
Me: Um, Turkey girls don’t pee out their butt.
*Turkey squeals with laughter and hysterics and falls to ground*
Me to Turkey’s Dad: You got your work cut out for you!
#turkeyandthefactsoflife
#poorturkeyhestillthinksbabiescomefromburritos
This weekend Turkey discovered his new favorite movie, after a night of pizza and the Monster Store, Turkey is now FULL ON ready for Halloween!
Me: Turkey, this movie is a classic and one of your Auntie’s favorites.
Turkey: Hmmmm well, let’s try it.
An hour in a half later…..
Turkey: BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE
MOOOOOM. WHERE IS BEETLEJUICE? I know he is real! The devil made him!
Me: Oh, really? Hmmmmmmm
Turkey: Ok, now I am going to go watch it again!
Turkey IS Monkey’s Mom! I can remember her running around the house, screaming Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice……
#mykidismysister
#beetlejuicestillrocks
Turkey likes to say how much my cat, Dexter, loves him more. According to Turkey, they go waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy back:
Turkey: Mom, Dexter is MINE.
Me: No, he is definitely MINE.
Turkey: Nope, he loves me more.
Me: Nope.
Turkey: Yes, he really does love me more.
Me: How is that possible?
Turkey: Because we were in your tummy together.
Me: UMMMMM
Turkey: Yes, I remember. We punched your stomach together to get out and that is why we are brothers.
Me: That must have been SOME burrito that I ate!
#brothers
#thismakessensetome
Sister: A few days back, I saw the biggest poop in the pantry!
Me: Oh, yea. That was Dexter.
Sister: No way! That was a huge poop. I think Turkey pooped in the pantry. That was definitely a human poop, due to the size.
Me: Nope, that was definitely Dexter; he does that when I don’t do what he wants, like take him outside! Besides, Turkey doesn’t poo in pantries.
Me: And you left it for me to find in the morning!
Sister: oh yes, that was so gross!
#mycatsajerk
#biggesterdsever
So, we went out to breakfast this Saturday. Turkey, Me, TD and Sister. Turkey was in a bad mood, so we thought we’d eat outside to try and brighten his mood.
We figured maybe a good breakfast would fix his case of the “HANGRIES”
We sat down and waited for the food.
Me: Oh look, Turkey, the food is almost here.
Sister: Cheer up, Turkey!
Turkey: (grumpy face)
In comes the food.
Me to TD: Oh my goodness! I forgot to order Turkey food!
TD: I guess I’ll share with him! I cannot believe you forgot to order for him!
Sister: He is going to remember this forever!
Me: Probably, but my food looks delish!
#badmom
#nofoodforturkey
GamesOrTantrums 